melafazkan cinta adalah mudah pada orang yang tak pernah memahami maksud sebenarnya cinta itu, apatah lagi untuk menghargainya.. Mencintai seseorang yang benar benar mencintai kita akan membuahkan perassan bahagia yang berpanjangan itu adalah sebaliknya, andainya jatuh cinta pada orang yang tidak membalas cinta daripada kita
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
No one knows
Melody keeps filling my room,
The rain cool my day,
Message ringtone doesn't plays the corrs song
Waiting for him,sending his lovely word to me
The sun begins to fade from my window
And Azan maghrib heard from here,
I was checking back every second,
I put my hope, that he will text me tonight
I said to myself
"he's very busy doing his job right now, he doesn't has time for me
My heart started sweating
Not sweating but hurt
Hurt?pain that every couple could break up,
I love him, i love him so much,
No one know how much i love him,
I filled my lonely heart with his last message in my phone,
At 10.30, i was hoping his message appeared out from the unknown world,
I want to open it and i wanna see " hi sayang"
And i will let my heart hurt
as pain as no one could even knows..
The rain cool my day,
Message ringtone doesn't plays the corrs song
Waiting for him,sending his lovely word to me
The sun begins to fade from my window
And Azan maghrib heard from here,
I was checking back every second,
I put my hope, that he will text me tonight
I said to myself
"he's very busy doing his job right now, he doesn't has time for me
My heart started sweating
Not sweating but hurt
Hurt?pain that every couple could break up,
I love him, i love him so much,
No one know how much i love him,
I filled my lonely heart with his last message in my phone,
At 10.30, i was hoping his message appeared out from the unknown world,
I want to open it and i wanna see " hi sayang"
And i will let my heart hurt
as pain as no one could even knows..
Thursday, May 27, 2010
it's nothing..
since when did i started to love her..
since when my mind keep thinking of her..
since when??
i don't really know when..
i'm confused..
confused of my feeling..
as my mind full of her..
laugh, tears and smile..
was it all a fake??
or it was sincerely from bottom of heart??
tried to figured out..
find a way to solved this..
but how.??
the only things i do always say was..
'i love you'..
but does she hear it??
it seems like..
i just look as her mere friend..
nothing more or less..
jealousy take place i think..
she keep asking me why..
she do know but didn't realised..
i'm just answered..
"it's nothing.."
since when my mind keep thinking of her..
since when??
i don't really know when..
i'm confused..
confused of my feeling..
as my mind full of her..
laugh, tears and smile..
was it all a fake??
or it was sincerely from bottom of heart??
tried to figured out..
find a way to solved this..
but how.??
the only things i do always say was..
'i love you'..
but does she hear it??
it seems like..
i just look as her mere friend..
nothing more or less..
jealousy take place i think..
she keep asking me why..
she do know but didn't realised..
i'm just answered..
"it's nothing.."
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Love??
• Love? What do people mean by this word? Was it to hurt our feeling or comfort us with it ? Do they know the truth of this word? Well, I do. Tonight, I stand here under a moonlight. Stars enlighted my darkness. Wind flew it breeze that wrapped my lifeless figure. Song of lonely heard as it makes my feeling even more. In front of me, she said the beautiful words. In front of me, her tears flowed down her cheek. In front of me, she craved her smile. And also in front of me, she turned around and left me lying down. There’s no meaning with ‘love’, it nothing but only suffer. Will there any happiness?
Adlina, the woman once shaked my heart. Her white fair skin with blonde hair still in my eyes. Her cheek like a tomato with angelic face accompanied my night. Her beauty left me with no words to spare. She’s my life and filled my soul once.
“Hey, were you dreaming?” suddenly Alin voice broke into my dream.
“No, I am just planning for our future, dear” I answered.
“How could you plan without my knowledge? How dare you,” she continued with warmth in her tone.
“I was joking. I thought about our first meeting long ago,” I tried to comfort her.
“Yeah, right! By the way, have you eaten this lunch?” she asked.
“Not yet, would you like to go with me?”I continued as she said.
“Sure, why not. Anything for my beloved, even a star I am willing to get it for you,” she said jokingly.
14th April, and that was the day I remembered most. Witnessed by the moon and thousand of stars, she engraved her love forever. Day onward, I was not alone anymore as she always there by my side. Her words supported me and her presence swept my loneliness. I was so happy to be with her.
“Hey, I will wait for you after kuliah. Just don’t be late, dear” she said as we separated for our own path.
“Ah, not again! Okay, I will be there,” she looked so happy and walked for her class.
“I love you, dear..” I thought in my mind. Then I walked to the Faculty of Engineering.
*********************************************
“Okay, guys. I thinks that’s all for today. We continued our lessons on the next class,” said Madame Juliana softly as the time is over. Oh man, finally. I had waited this time for so long because I manage to see her again after this. I packed my things up and make my move to ‘that’ place ( don’t know where she wants to see me ). Tick tock tick tock, time is running out. But I still can’t see her figure yet. “ Maybe Alin forget about this,” I thought in my mind. I tried to search for her every place that I know. But still cannot find her. I searched for a little more, then I found her at the park, sitting o the bench.
“ You were late. I thought I had warned you to be early just now,” anger in her tone.
“ I am sorry. I thought you will wait at the kuliah because you don’t even mention the venue,” I tried to defend myself. Her face turned blushing, embarrassed.
“ Oh sorry. I forgot to tell you. No wonder you were late,” she said. Sweat down through my body, I were exhausted.
“No sorry, unless you ready to be punished,” I sulked.
“ What? You didn’t mean it, right? Okay, then tell me what I need to do ?” she asked.
“Well, you have to say ‘ I love you’ to me until we reached my car. Can you ,dear ?”I said.
“ Okay,as your wish.” Then she started to say those words. I love you, I love you, I love you and I am so happy to hear it.
“ I will be in front of your house tonight at 8 p.m. don’t be late this time,” I texting her.
“Okay,I will be waiting for you.” I took a bath, wore some fine clothes and prepared my appearance. I flashed down the stairs and took my car key.
“Where you want to go, son?” my mother asked.
“Erm, bring your daughter-in-law, mom. Just wait for her, okay.” She shocked, but then smiled with beautiful smile. I drove my car to her house.
“ You were stunning tonight. Even the flowers sad and jealous as you walked pass them,” I said jokingly.
“Of course, going out with you, right? I took an hour for me to be like this,” she continued. Then, I drove to the promised place that I planned.
“This is for you, dear.” I showed the place to her. She was speechless. There is one table with two seats. The moon lighted the place and the stars decorated it. Breeze from the lake evoked the emotion and the candle at the centre of the table like calling for us. It was perfect for her. As we walked there, I asked her “ are you okay or you don’t like it?”.
She tried to find her voice again and said “ No, it’s fantastic, dear. thank you for this. I appreciate it so much.” She sat in front of me. We talked, have our meal and enjoyed our night. After that, I asked her for a dance. She rejected at first but I kept asking until she’s on her feet.
“Can I have a dance?” I asked her. She, with blushing face took my hand and once in my embrace. Our step smooth and fairly synchronized with the song. At the end of the song, I knell in front of her and took her hand in mine.
“Alin, will you marry me?”” I proposed her. She stunned, breathless. Her tomato-like-cheek turned red. I waited for an answer.
Then she said “ I do, Firdaus”. It feels relieve to hear her answer, then she hug me. We made a promise, after the graduation day we will be married.
I wished happiness could be remain. But fate has it own plan for each of our life. The next day at the university, I hang out with my friend at the cafeteria. “ Hey Firdaus. You looked exhausted. Mind to share with me anything?” Amri asked.
“Nah, it’s nothing. It’s just my old habit, always looked like that. Well, how were you doing lately?” I replied.
“ Well, something extraordinary happened today. Early in the morning, I found a love letter on my table and it is from Adlina. I shocked at first,” he continued. What? Adlina? How can this be. There must be something wrong. I asked him to look at the letter and it’s totally from her. I lost my mind. My soul flew away. Tears wrapped and covered my happiness. I tried to find my words and said “ good to hear that. You are my friend and I always hope for you to be happy.”
And he replied , “thanks.” Then I makes my move and tried to figured out what I should do. Should I face her? Or just walk away from her? Then I Have made my decision. I know Amri also like Adlina, but still not even more than I do.
I keep walking without destination. I don’t even know what else to do. My step stop as Adlina appeared in front of me.
“Where have you been? I thought I had told you,” Alin asked.I tried to keep walking, ignore her there. “ Firdaus, are you listening?” she continued. I turned around and for an instant I looked into her eyes. I love her but I wasn’t meant for her.
“I know everything, and understood it very well. You can be with Amri and I will never be the obstacle anymore. Just one wish from me, keep yourself in happiness and always place your smile at your beautiful face, dear,” I said.
“ But why?” she asked.
“ I love someone else. That’s all,” I replied. She fell down to earth and started crying.
“ You were lying,” I heard she mumbling with herself. I wanted to comfort her, but since earlier she was not mine. Then, I step away and left her there.
Since that day, I see her nowhere. I tried to forget her, but she was my first love and only her be the last. I kept tight her memory because it will accompany me during my darkness. Summer had fade away, and tonight will be the last day of holiday. And tomorrow will be the big day, the graduation day. but it mean nothing without Alin by my side. I’m in horror.
Tonight, here again I sit on the bench at the park where the memory begin. Moonlight felt pity seeing my emotion and stars is crying for my sadness. I am alone again. I took my pen out from my pocket and start to write some poem. Suddenly, someone grabs my pen from my hand.
“How could you, Firdaus. Why don’t you ask me first?” suddenly Alin appears in front of me. I am speechless, for a long time we never met. And somehow I am missing her.
“ Luckily Amri told me all about the letter. For your info, it was for you actually but I’d put it on the wrong table,” Alin explained all the things up. Somehow I feel so happy but Amri like her too.
“But I have someone else. And Amri like you. It’s better for you to be with him,” I continued. For a while, she laugh. I don’t really understand why.
“ I already know everything, dear. You just made up the story to keep away from me, Amri told me that too. And I believe there will be no one you love beside me, am I right?” she replied. I was numb, there’s nothing I can talk anymore.
“Yes, it’s my fault. I am sorry. I want you to be happy and get the best for your life,” I continued. She silent for a while, then replied.
“ I am always happy by your side and for me you are the best, dear.” Then with tears flow down her cheek, she hugged me. “ I miss you. In every single minutes I think about you. Please don’t leave me anymore and just stay the way you are, dear ,” she said.
“I am sorry. I promise will always be with you. And I kiss you too, Alin.”
***********************************************
“ And now, the best student award goes to…………..” the hall silent as they waiting for the answer. “Mohd Firdaus Bin Ramlee, please step ahead.” It is un believable, the crowd clap as my name was announce up the stage. I walked to the stage and from the stage I can see Adlina waving at me down there. I smiled at her. I receive my certificate and the speaker asked me to deliver some speech.
“Thank you for giving me a chance to talk on this stage. Assalamualaikum to the audience. First of all, I want to thank my family for support me, my friend and university department. As for her, the one who always with me, never give up on me and someone that always inspired me do something.” The audiences looked interested to hear my speech. I tried to continue.
“Once, I made my promise to her. And it’s time to fulfilled it.” They waited and I chuckled excitedly.
“Adlina, witnessed by all the people here, I engraved my heart with your name forever. For my eternity life, will you be my pride?” I said. Then she stood up at her place.
“ I always do.”
Adlina, the woman once shaked my heart. Her white fair skin with blonde hair still in my eyes. Her cheek like a tomato with angelic face accompanied my night. Her beauty left me with no words to spare. She’s my life and filled my soul once.
“Hey, were you dreaming?” suddenly Alin voice broke into my dream.
“No, I am just planning for our future, dear” I answered.
“How could you plan without my knowledge? How dare you,” she continued with warmth in her tone.
“I was joking. I thought about our first meeting long ago,” I tried to comfort her.
“Yeah, right! By the way, have you eaten this lunch?” she asked.
“Not yet, would you like to go with me?”I continued as she said.
“Sure, why not. Anything for my beloved, even a star I am willing to get it for you,” she said jokingly.
14th April, and that was the day I remembered most. Witnessed by the moon and thousand of stars, she engraved her love forever. Day onward, I was not alone anymore as she always there by my side. Her words supported me and her presence swept my loneliness. I was so happy to be with her.
“Hey, I will wait for you after kuliah. Just don’t be late, dear” she said as we separated for our own path.
“Ah, not again! Okay, I will be there,” she looked so happy and walked for her class.
“I love you, dear..” I thought in my mind. Then I walked to the Faculty of Engineering.
*********************************************
“Okay, guys. I thinks that’s all for today. We continued our lessons on the next class,” said Madame Juliana softly as the time is over. Oh man, finally. I had waited this time for so long because I manage to see her again after this. I packed my things up and make my move to ‘that’ place ( don’t know where she wants to see me ). Tick tock tick tock, time is running out. But I still can’t see her figure yet. “ Maybe Alin forget about this,” I thought in my mind. I tried to search for her every place that I know. But still cannot find her. I searched for a little more, then I found her at the park, sitting o the bench.
“ You were late. I thought I had warned you to be early just now,” anger in her tone.
“ I am sorry. I thought you will wait at the kuliah because you don’t even mention the venue,” I tried to defend myself. Her face turned blushing, embarrassed.
“ Oh sorry. I forgot to tell you. No wonder you were late,” she said. Sweat down through my body, I were exhausted.
“No sorry, unless you ready to be punished,” I sulked.
“ What? You didn’t mean it, right? Okay, then tell me what I need to do ?” she asked.
“Well, you have to say ‘ I love you’ to me until we reached my car. Can you ,dear ?”I said.
“ Okay,as your wish.” Then she started to say those words. I love you, I love you, I love you and I am so happy to hear it.
“ I will be in front of your house tonight at 8 p.m. don’t be late this time,” I texting her.
“Okay,I will be waiting for you.” I took a bath, wore some fine clothes and prepared my appearance. I flashed down the stairs and took my car key.
“Where you want to go, son?” my mother asked.
“Erm, bring your daughter-in-law, mom. Just wait for her, okay.” She shocked, but then smiled with beautiful smile. I drove my car to her house.
“ You were stunning tonight. Even the flowers sad and jealous as you walked pass them,” I said jokingly.
“Of course, going out with you, right? I took an hour for me to be like this,” she continued. Then, I drove to the promised place that I planned.
“This is for you, dear.” I showed the place to her. She was speechless. There is one table with two seats. The moon lighted the place and the stars decorated it. Breeze from the lake evoked the emotion and the candle at the centre of the table like calling for us. It was perfect for her. As we walked there, I asked her “ are you okay or you don’t like it?”.
She tried to find her voice again and said “ No, it’s fantastic, dear. thank you for this. I appreciate it so much.” She sat in front of me. We talked, have our meal and enjoyed our night. After that, I asked her for a dance. She rejected at first but I kept asking until she’s on her feet.
“Can I have a dance?” I asked her. She, with blushing face took my hand and once in my embrace. Our step smooth and fairly synchronized with the song. At the end of the song, I knell in front of her and took her hand in mine.
“Alin, will you marry me?”” I proposed her. She stunned, breathless. Her tomato-like-cheek turned red. I waited for an answer.
Then she said “ I do, Firdaus”. It feels relieve to hear her answer, then she hug me. We made a promise, after the graduation day we will be married.
I wished happiness could be remain. But fate has it own plan for each of our life. The next day at the university, I hang out with my friend at the cafeteria. “ Hey Firdaus. You looked exhausted. Mind to share with me anything?” Amri asked.
“Nah, it’s nothing. It’s just my old habit, always looked like that. Well, how were you doing lately?” I replied.
“ Well, something extraordinary happened today. Early in the morning, I found a love letter on my table and it is from Adlina. I shocked at first,” he continued. What? Adlina? How can this be. There must be something wrong. I asked him to look at the letter and it’s totally from her. I lost my mind. My soul flew away. Tears wrapped and covered my happiness. I tried to find my words and said “ good to hear that. You are my friend and I always hope for you to be happy.”
And he replied , “thanks.” Then I makes my move and tried to figured out what I should do. Should I face her? Or just walk away from her? Then I Have made my decision. I know Amri also like Adlina, but still not even more than I do.
I keep walking without destination. I don’t even know what else to do. My step stop as Adlina appeared in front of me.
“Where have you been? I thought I had told you,” Alin asked.I tried to keep walking, ignore her there. “ Firdaus, are you listening?” she continued. I turned around and for an instant I looked into her eyes. I love her but I wasn’t meant for her.
“I know everything, and understood it very well. You can be with Amri and I will never be the obstacle anymore. Just one wish from me, keep yourself in happiness and always place your smile at your beautiful face, dear,” I said.
“ But why?” she asked.
“ I love someone else. That’s all,” I replied. She fell down to earth and started crying.
“ You were lying,” I heard she mumbling with herself. I wanted to comfort her, but since earlier she was not mine. Then, I step away and left her there.
Since that day, I see her nowhere. I tried to forget her, but she was my first love and only her be the last. I kept tight her memory because it will accompany me during my darkness. Summer had fade away, and tonight will be the last day of holiday. And tomorrow will be the big day, the graduation day. but it mean nothing without Alin by my side. I’m in horror.
Tonight, here again I sit on the bench at the park where the memory begin. Moonlight felt pity seeing my emotion and stars is crying for my sadness. I am alone again. I took my pen out from my pocket and start to write some poem. Suddenly, someone grabs my pen from my hand.
“How could you, Firdaus. Why don’t you ask me first?” suddenly Alin appears in front of me. I am speechless, for a long time we never met. And somehow I am missing her.
“ Luckily Amri told me all about the letter. For your info, it was for you actually but I’d put it on the wrong table,” Alin explained all the things up. Somehow I feel so happy but Amri like her too.
“But I have someone else. And Amri like you. It’s better for you to be with him,” I continued. For a while, she laugh. I don’t really understand why.
“ I already know everything, dear. You just made up the story to keep away from me, Amri told me that too. And I believe there will be no one you love beside me, am I right?” she replied. I was numb, there’s nothing I can talk anymore.
“Yes, it’s my fault. I am sorry. I want you to be happy and get the best for your life,” I continued. She silent for a while, then replied.
“ I am always happy by your side and for me you are the best, dear.” Then with tears flow down her cheek, she hugged me. “ I miss you. In every single minutes I think about you. Please don’t leave me anymore and just stay the way you are, dear ,” she said.
“I am sorry. I promise will always be with you. And I kiss you too, Alin.”
***********************************************
“ And now, the best student award goes to…………..” the hall silent as they waiting for the answer. “Mohd Firdaus Bin Ramlee, please step ahead.” It is un believable, the crowd clap as my name was announce up the stage. I walked to the stage and from the stage I can see Adlina waving at me down there. I smiled at her. I receive my certificate and the speaker asked me to deliver some speech.
“Thank you for giving me a chance to talk on this stage. Assalamualaikum to the audience. First of all, I want to thank my family for support me, my friend and university department. As for her, the one who always with me, never give up on me and someone that always inspired me do something.” The audiences looked interested to hear my speech. I tried to continue.
“Once, I made my promise to her. And it’s time to fulfilled it.” They waited and I chuckled excitedly.
“Adlina, witnessed by all the people here, I engraved my heart with your name forever. For my eternity life, will you be my pride?” I said. Then she stood up at her place.
“ I always do.”
Friday, May 7, 2010
kegembiraan
Kegembiraan jarang bertandang dalam hidup kita. Apabila ia hadir, hargailah ia dengan sebaik mungkin. Jika hidup selalu gembira, segalanya akan lebih bermakna. Malam ini, sekali lagi ku merenung ke luar jendela, memandang ke dada langit. Aku meneliti setiap ukiran bintang dan hembusan bayu yang dingin mententeram jiwa kosong ku. Aku mencari keindahan warna yang menghiasi diriku serta senyum tawa yang menemani sepiku. Namun ia telah hilang di saat terpadam cahaya cintaku.
“Ops, sorry. I’m in such a hurry sampai tak awak tadi,” kata seorang gadis yang sedang mengumpul serta mengutip helaian kertasnya yang jatuh berterabur di lantai.
“It’s fine. Salah saya jugak ‘coz berdiri kat tengah jalan menghalang laluan orang. Let me help you,” lalu aku membantunya mengumpul kertas-kertasnya semula.
“Thanks a lot. By the way, saya Adlina. You can call me Alin,” kata Alin sambil membetulkan tudungnya yang kelihatan tidak kemas.
“Hey, Alin. Saya Firdaus. You can call me.....erm, anything you prefer,” jawab aku ringkas. Alin kelihatan tertawa kecil.
“Erm, bukan ke awak terlewat for something tadi? You might better hurry or else.....” kataku memberhentikan tawanya itu. Riak mukanya mula berubah.
“Oh not again,Cikgu Fizik mesti marah sebab lambat lagi. Jumpa lagi Mr ‘anything you prefer’,” senyuman terukir pada wajahnya sambil dia berlalu pergi ke dewan kuliahnya.
“Sigh, I hate girl,” bisik hati kecilku selepas diperli oleh seseorang yang baru kukenali.
Selepas menerima keputusan Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia ( SPM ), aku menerima tawaran untuk menyambung pelajaran ke Universiti Sains Malaysia. Bukan tidak mendapat tempat ke luar negara, tetapi keadaan ekonomi keluarga yang tidak mampu membatalkan hasrat aku ke sana. Ingin juga diri ini merasa keadaan di negara orang, namun tidak kesampaian.
Di kafeteria, aku sedang duduk menelaah buku rujukan bagi mengukuhkan ilmu yang baru ditimba sebentar tadi. Suasana di sini sungguh tenang. Aku selesa duduk sambil menghirup udara segar tatkala mataku ligat meneruskan pembacaanku. Pada saat itu, Alin datang duduk sebelah ku.
“Amboi, rajinnya membaca. Menarik sungguh kelihatan buku tu. Apa tajuknya?” sapanya bagi memulakan perbualan.
Aku mengendahkan kehadirannya dan bingkas bangun, berlalu meninggalkan tempat itu.Alin kelihatan bingung lalu cuba mengekori pergerakanku.
“Kenapa tiba-tiba sensitif nie?Anything wrong Mr ‘anything you prefer’?”tanyanya cuba untuk mengetahui punca tindakan ku itu.
“Firdaus, itu nama saya. Just call me that,” jawab ku ringkas.
“Tak sangka awak sensitif. I was joking la. By the way, sorry okay? Why don’t we have a lunch together? Awak kan kawan baru saya. It’s my treat,” pelawanya sambil menarik tanganku duduk ke kerusi semula.
“Saya maafkan awak,” balasku ringkas.
Dia memperlawa aku duduk di bangku. Saat aku melabuhkan diriku untuk duduk, Alin menarik kerusi tersebut lalu aku terjelopok ke lantai. Semua yang melihat tertawa akan diriku. Alin juga tersenyum melihat telatahku.
“Lagi sekali terkena. Why had i stuck with this girl?” keluh hatiku sambil aku cuba untuk berdiri semula.
“Sorry, Firdaus. Awak tak marahkan?” pujuk Alin cuba untuk meredakan kemarahanku.
“Erm, saya tersilap kerana berada di sini. Ini bukan kawasan yang sesuai untuk orang seperti saya. I had better makes my move,” kata ku menarik diri.aku meneruskan langkah berlalu dari situ.
“Hey Firdaus. Sudi kan jadi kawan saya?” katanya memberhentikan langkahku.
“I’ll think about it later. See ya,” aku melambai dan terus berlalu.
Sejak daripada itu,hubungan kami semakin rapat. Au menerima tawarannya untuk ‘berkawan’. Alin mengambil jurusan akauntan manakala aku mengambil jurusan kejuruteraan awam. Kami kerap keluar bersama dan sering menghabiskan masa belajar bersama.
“How’s your day today,”tanya Alin ketika kami sedang menikmati hidangan tengah hari selepas penat menimba ilmu.
“it went all fine. Cuma pelajar perempuan kat dalam kuliah tadi suka merenung dan kacau-kacau saya. Rimas dibuatnya,” balas ku ringkas.
“Amboi, dah mula ada secret admire nampak. Tak sangka kan. Kenapa tak layan je mereka?” kata Alin dengan sedikit nada cemburu membasahi suaranya.
“Aik, macam cemburu je bunyi Alin tu. Malas la nak layan mereka, buang masa je. Baik saya menumpukan perhatian. How about you then?” giliranku mengemukakan persoalan.
“Me? I okay je, cume tadi ada beberapa orang lelaki kacau semasa tunggu awak datang nie. Nasib baik awak cepat sampai. Mereka tengok awak je terus mereka pergi dari sini,” balas Alin.
“Wah, saya ni macam penyelamat Alin la eyk. Bangganya,” aku ketawa berdekah-dekah.
“ Eh jangan nak perasan yea,” pintas Alin. Loceng berbunyi menandakan kuliah seterusnya akan bermula. Kami mengambil laluan masing-masing untuk ke kuliah.
“Firdaus, saya tunggu awak kat library lepas kuliah. Jangan lambat tau,” kata Alin sambil melambai dan berlalu pergi.
Jika ianya sebuah cinta, ia tidak datang dengan kata-kata namun sentiasa menghampiri dengan hati. Jika ianya sebuah cinta, ia tidak kelihatan cantik namun sentiasa menarik. Jika ianya sebuah cinta, ia tidak terucap dengan kata namun sentiasa hadir dengan sinar mata. Jika ianya sebuah cinta, ia tidak hadir kerana permintaan kita namun kerana ketentuan. Jika kita mencintai seseorang, kita akan sentiasa mendoakannya walaupun dia tidak berada di sisi kita.
Semakin hari, aku mulai rindu akan kehadiran Alin di sisi ku. Dia sering menemani saat senyumku. Dia menjadi teman saat duka ku. Dan dia juga menjadi sahabat serta kekasih hatiku. Namun aku sering tidak punyai keyakinan untuk menyatakan hasrat hatiku, kerana dia begitu indah andai hendak dibandingkan apabila berada di sisiku.Aku cuba mencari kekuatan diri. Namun ia tidak pernah ku temui. Mungkin tiada jodoh buatku bersamanya. Aku hanya pasrah dengan ketentuan Ilahi. Tiba-tiba telefon bimbit ku berdering.aku menjawab panggilan yang sering dan sudah ku kenali itu.
“ Assalamualaikam, Alin. Kenapa telefon malam-malam ni. Ada pape yang boleh saya bantu ke?” kataku sebaik sahaja mendengar suaranya di talian.
“Waalaikumsalam. Macam tak suka je saya telefon, maaf mengganggu Firdaus. Saya just nak beritahu, pada minggu depan sekolah kita hendak mengadakan malam gala. Lebih kurang majlis makan malam la. Mebi ada tari-menari. So would you mind to go with me ?” tanya alin memperihalkan tentang perkara tersebut.
“Okay je if Alin rase saya layak berada dengan awak,”jawabku.
“Thanks, nanti kita bincang lagi tentang ni yea. Goodnight,” kata Alin lala menamatkan panggilan.
“Tidak, Alin. Saya yang patut berterima kasih kerana awak memberikan peluang itu kepada saya,” bisik hati kecilku.
Setelah 6 hari, 16 jam dan 22 minit, hari yang ditunggu juga telah tiba. Majlis malam gala diadakan dengan indah dan begitu unik sekali. Ia akan bermula pada pukul 8.30 malam nanti. Tetapi aku masih belum bersiap memandangkan sekarang telahpun pukul 7.45 malam. Aku kelam–kabut bagi mencari pakaian yang kelihatan menarik agar dapat dipadankan dengan Alin nanti namun aku tidak ketemunya. Tidak tahu bagaimana harusku lakukan. Kemudian panggilan telefon dari Alin menyebabkan telefon bimbitku berbunyi. Aku menjawab.
“Hey, Firdaus. Still kat rumah? Would you please hurry up? Sudah nak mula dah ni,” Alin kedengaran risau apabila masih tidak kelihatan aku di sana agaknya.
“Ouh, sorry Alin. Saya tak tahu nak pakai baju apa. Any suggestion?” aku cuba meminta pendapatnya.
“Erm, why don’t awak pakai baju yang saya hadiahkan as your birthday present last two week. It’s colours was purple, right? Saya suka sangat warna ungu,” Alin menjawab.
“Ouh,okay. Lagi 15 minit akan sampai. Alin tunggu dulu tau,” jawabku.
“Don’t be late,” Alin mengingatkan aku.
Pada malam tersebut, Alin kelihatan sungguh menawan. Jikalau matahri tidak terbit memancarkan surianya, sinaran indah wajahnya sudah cukup menerangi bumi. Andai pula bulan hilangdi balik awan nan biru, keayuan dan kelembutan senyum pada wajahnya sudah cukup menyejukkan malam-malamku. Kemudian, dengan sedikit keyakinan aku berjalan ke arah Alin. Dia kelihatan seperti sudah lama menunggu. Namun kumbang bukan seekor. Tiba-tiba datang seorang jejaka yang aku kenali duduk di samping Alin.Mereka kelihatan mesra berbual, seakan kenalan lama. Aku mulai tidak keruan. Hatiku terus berdebar, lalu semangatku semakin pudar.Aku menarik diri keluar dari dewan besar University kami. Aku tidak sanggup melihatnya bersama yang lain, lalu biarkan aku pergi. Aku berlari anak ke bawah sebuah pokok rendang, di mana tempat aku sering melepaskan seribu satu masalahku. Di bawah sinaran bulan bintang aku berbaring memandang ke langit, menulis sekeping nota.
Hembusan bayu bertiupan..menyaingi kedinginan malam..Menyedarkan aku..
tatkala bintang menerangi gelapku..Bulan tersenyum menghiasi sepiku..
Sang bunga mencemburui kecantikanmu..Sang matahari mengagumi seri pada wajahmu..
Sang burung berkicauan aakan keharuman dan sifat pekertimu..
Dan aku hanya tersenyum kau sering di sisiku..
Ingin sahaja aku melangkah pergi jauh darimu..biarku mengenali liku hidup ini..
Ingin juga aku kenali jiwamu..biar sahaja aku fahami dirimu,kasih..
Ingin aku juga membenci dirimu.. namun kasih pada cintamu memenuhi hatiku..
Hanyaku tahu, sayang padamu..
Pada malam itu..hembusan bayu bertiupan..
Menyedarkan aku kembali.. bahawa..
Hanya di dalam mimpikita bersua..mesra bersama dalam mahligai cinta..
Namun kenyataannya..hanyalah aku sahaja..
Kau ada dia..
Keesokan harinya, aku ke kuliah seperti biasa. Aku bangun pagi, mandi, makan sarapan dan berjalan kaki seperti rutin harianku. Panggilan Alin menyedarkan lamunanku, namun tidak pula aku menjawabnya.Di kuliah, Alin kelihatan sedang menunggu ku. Dari jauh, riak wajahnya kaku dan layu. Aku terus melangkah dan cuba agar tidak mempedulikannya.
“Kenapa awak tak datang semalam? Awak marah saya ke sehingga cuba elak dari saya sekarang?” kata-kata Alin memecahkan kesunyian.
“Saya tak marahkan awak, tak ada pape salah yang awak buat. Semalam saya tertidur, penat tolong emak buat kuih untuk berniaga hari ini,” aku cuba berbohong dan berselindung agar tidak disedari Alin.
“Tolong emak? Kalau begitu, siapa yang menulis nota ni?” katanya lagi sambil mengeluarkan sekeping nota yang aku tulis dan tinggalkan di bawah pokok rendang semalam. Air mata jernih mulai mengalir pada wajahnya, lalu aku mendekati Alin dan menyeka aliran air jernih itu. Aku hanya terdiam seribu bahasa.
“Kenapa awak buat macam ni? Kenapa hukum saya?” tuturnya yang meluluhkan hatiku.
“Saya bukan menghukum awak, saya menghukum diri saya yang bermimpi mencintai serta bersama dengan seorang gadis yang tidak diciptakan untuk saya. Semalam baru saya mengerti kesalahan saya selama ini,” jawabku mempertahankan diri.
“Awak kan sahabat saya. Mengapa berkelakuan seperti ini?” tanyanya lagi.
“ Itulah kesilapan saya selama ini. Saya menyalah anggap hubungan persahabatan yang kita jalinkan. Saya khianati hubungan ini dengan mempunyai perasaan terhadap awak. Saya khianati keikhlasan awak berkawan. Terasa hina pulak apabila berada di situasi ini. Namun saya bersyukur kerana tidak pernah menyatakan hasrat itu,”kata-kataku meninggalkan tanda tanya pada dirinya.
“Tapi awak tak pernah menyatakan apa-apa. Bagaimana harus saya mengerti isi haiti awak?” jawabnya lagi.
“Tak perlu lagi. Lelaki semalam lebih sesuai berada di samping awak. Dia mempunyai perwatakan yang lebih sempurna yang jauh lebih baik dari saya. Dia akan dapat menggembirakan awak. Saya hanya seorang warga desa yang datang ke sini menuntut ilmu bagi mengubah serta memberikan kebahagiaan kepada keluarga saya. Saya tak mahu lagi tersilap langkah. Rumput yang melata di bumi ingin beriringan dengan bintang di langit, pasti mustahil,kan?” aku menghabiskan kata-kataku sebaik sahaja air mata Alin kian deras mengalir.
“ Jadi, sampai di sini sahaja perkenalan kita?” katanya sambil tersedu menahan sebak.
“Itulah yang sebaiknya.” Alin tertunduk, kecewa dengan kata-kataku. Aku sedih melihat keadaannya begitu, namun ini adalah untuk kebaikannya. Aku berjalan meninggalkannya. Lalu suaranya memanggilku.
“At least biarlah saya beritahu tentang lelaki semalam. Dia hanyalah rakan lama saya yang baru pulang dari luar negara. Namun dia tidak pernah mengambil tempat yang paling istimewa dalam hati ini yang telah saya khaskan buat seseorang. Semasa menjatuhkan awak dulu, Awaklah yang telah menawan tempat tersebut. Namun sekarang tidak berguna lagi, namun ia tetap hanya akan menjadi tempat awak, Firdaus,” kata Alin sambil terduduk di lantai.
Tanpa menoleh ke belakang, aku masih meneruskan langkahku. Dengan tangisan di pipi, aku berjalan membawa diri hilang dari pandangan matanya.
Hari-hari ku semakin suram. Tiada lagi gelak tawa Alin. Tiada jua senyum riangnya. Tiada jua gurau sendanya. Dan tiada juga layanan manjanya. Namun aku tabahkan jua hati yang penuh kesunyian ini menempuh liku hidup yang ranjau. Ketika sedang membaca di perpustakaan, aku didatangi beberapa orang gadis. Mereka mendekatiku tetapi aku tidak menghiraukannya.
“Hey, Firdaus. Kenapa kau sakitkan hati Alin? Kau tak patut berbuat demikian. Dari awal dia mencintai kau. Tetapi kau tidak menyedarinya,” kata salah seorang dari mereka.aku hanya membisu seribu bahasa.
“Tak guna kita cakap dengan lelaki ni. Hati dia da keras. Buang masa kita bercakap dengannya,”kata seorang yang lain antara mereka. Mereka mengeluarkan sepucuk surat lalu dihulurkan kepadaku. Aku hanya menerimanya lalu membuka bagi membaca isi kandungannya.
“ Alin kirimkan ini untuk kau sebelum dia bertolak,”terang salah seorang dari mereka bertiga. Bertolak? Bertolak ke mana? Seribu satu persoalan mula bermain di fikiranku.aku membuka sampul surat tersebut dan meneliti isi kandungannya.
Hye, Firdaus. Assalamualaikum. Maaf kerana membuat keputusan yang terburu-buru ini. Saya tahu mungkin tidak adil buat awak. Tetapi saya tak sanggup nak berdepan dengan awak lagi selepas peristiwa hari tu. Terima kasih di atas segala kenangan yang awak ukirkan bersama dulu.saya akan sentiasa simpannya jauh di lubuk hati, di tempat yang telah awak tawan. Saya tak pernah menyangka hubungan kita berakhir di pertengahan jalan. Saya benar-benar meyesal kerana awak terlihat saya bersama lelaki lain berbual pada malam itu. Nota awak masih saya simpan.Di saat awak membaca surat ini, mungkin saya telah berada di lapangan terbang untuk menyambung pelajaran ke luar negara. Awak yang kata inilah yang jalan yang terbaik, jadi inilah jalan saya. Saya tidak pernah menyesal berkawan dengan awak dan tidak pernah menyesal mencintai awak. Saat menjatuhkan awak dulu akan sentiasa diingatan sebagai jenaka buat saya. Hehe.. Pape pown, awak jaga diri dan kesihatan kerana saya tiada lagi untuk menjaga awak selepas ini. Salam sayang buat Firdaus dari Adlina.
Baru ku sedari betapa kejamnya aku terhadap orang yang aku cintai. Andai dapat ku undurkan masa, akan aku memperbetulkan segalanya. Begitu besar kesedihan yang dialami Alin di atas perbuatanku dahulu. Aku berlari meninggalkan kuliah lalu bergegas ke lapangan terbang. Aku masih berharap bahawa aku sempat menghalang niat Alin untuk pergi. Dan ingin juga aku melafazkan betapa cintanya aku terhadap dirinya.Ya Allah, Kau bantulah hamba mu yang lemah dan tidak berdaya ini, agar dia mengecapi kebahagiaan sungguhpun hanya sekali dalam hidup ini.
“Wei, Firdaus. Cepatlah naik, dah tak ada masa lagi ni. Biar kami drive kau ke sana. Boleh menjimatkan masa,” pelawa kawan-kawan Alin yang menghulurkan aku sepucuk surat tadi. Aku tanpa berfikir lagi terus menaiki kereta yang ada di hadapanku lalu mereka memandu laju membelah jalan raya. Aku masih berharap keajaiban akan terjadi dan menghalang Alin dari terus pergi selamanya dari hidupku. Bukan ini yang ku pinta. Aku hanya inginkan kebahagiaannya. “Alin, jangan pergi lagi. Saya datang ni,” desis hatiku.
Setelah 20 minit memandu, kami tiba ke lapangan terbang. Aku melulu keluar dan memasuki bangunan yang menyimpan kekasih hatiku.Sebaik sahaja kaki ini melangkah masuk, terus sahaja aku aku menjerit secara automatik.
“Amboi, bangunan jahat. Berani kau ambil Alin dari aku ye, siapa yang benarkan hah? Suka-suka je hati nak ambil hak orang. Baik pulangkan Alin balik, kalau tak............” jerit aku. Semua orang di situ memandang ku dengan riak wajah yang pelik, seakan aku seperti orang gila. Aku tertunduk malu lalu melangkah ke kaunter pertanyaan.
“Erm, akak. Perjalanan ke U.K sudah berangkat ke belum?” tanya aku sambil menenangkan diri.
“Biar akak check dulu yea. Oh, kapal terbang tu baru je berlepas, adik terlewat 3 minit je. Nape,dik?” jawab akak kaunter tersebut. Aku tidak menjawab soalannya,tetapi terus berlalu dari situ membawa hati yang berat ini.
Buat pertama kali dalam hidupku, aku terasa seperti kehilangan. Kehilangan cahaya hidup yang selama ini membimbing aku ke jalan yang bahagia. Tetapi cahaya itu semakin malap dan kini ia telah padam sepenuhnya. Adlina, seorang gadis yang bisa membuat hati ini bergetar hanya dengan senyumannya. Adlina, seorang gadis yang membuat aku kuat menghadapi setiap dugaan. Dan juga Adlina, seorang gadis yang menghiasi tiap saat hidupku dan menjadikannya lebih bermakna. Tetapi kini, aku kehilangannya. Aku terduduk di kerusi yang berdekatan. Semuanya sudah terlambat.
“Alin, if awak dengar saya sekarang, tolonglah pulang semula. Saya benar-benar perlukan kehadiran awak. Saya menyesal dengan apa yang dikatakan oleh saya sebelum ini. I wish time has turn around again,” tangan ku menekup muka ku menahan sebak dan menyembunyikan air mata yang mula mengalir deras.
“Bila masa saya nak tinggalkan awak. Saya tahu awak perlukan saya,nak makan pown kena saya yang suapkan. Haha, I will never leave you, my love,” satu suara kedengaran dari belakangku. Seakan mimpi rasanya setelah mendengar suara yang mampu membuat hatiku bergetar. Aku bingkas bangun lalu menoleh mencari-cari arah hadirnya suara itu. Lalu Alin keluar di sebalik dinding di mana dia menyorok selama ini.
“Eee, tak malu lelaki menangis. Orang semua tengok tau,” perli Alin.
“Eh, mana ada menangis. Yang ni tadi sebab habuk termasuk mata lah. Perasan je orang menangis sebab dia eyk. Banyak lagi sebab lain tau,” jawab ku spontan.
“Yela tu, macam la saya pekak sangat sampai tak dengar apa yang awak membebel sorang-sorang tadi ye,” tambahnya lagi.
“ Alin dengar ke??Oh, kena kan saya lagi ye. Bila lah nak berubah,”kataku.
“Hehe, sorry,” jawab Alin sambil mengejek ke arahku. Lalu aku menghulurkan sekeping nota kepadanya yang telah siapku tulis semasa di kuliah tadi.
Ada dua titis air mata mengalir di sebuah sungai.. satu titis air mata itumenyapa air mata yang satu lagi.. “ saya air mata seorang gadis yang mencintai seorang lelaki tetapi telah kehilangannya. Siapa pula kamu ? ”.. jawab titis air mata yang kedua tu “ saya air mata seorang lelaki yangmenyesal membiarkan seorang gadis yang mencintai saya berlalu pergi begitu sahaja ”..
“Alin, sejak kali pertama mata ini melihat awak, ia telah terpukau akan kenakalan awak. Sejak kali pertama telinga ini mendengar kata-kata awak, ia telah mula merindui suaramu. Sejak kali pertama tangan ini awak tarik, ia seringkali menulis sajak mengenai awak. Sejak kali pertama kaki ini sakit kerana jatuh disebabkan awak, ia telah mula berjalan mengekori bayang awak. Dan sejak hati ini mmengenali awak, ia telah mula jatuh cinta akan peribadimu,” kataku sebaik sahaja Alin selesai membaca nota itu. Matanya mulai bergenang air mata lalu dia mendakap erat aku. Dalam pelukan ku, air matanya membasahi dadaku dan saat itu juga dia mengabadikan cinta cinta sang Hawa akan Adam kekasihnya.
“Amboi, jauh mengelamun. Ingat kat siapa tu?” suara Alin memecahkan lamunanku di tingkap.
“Tak habis-habis nak kenakan saya and perli saya ye. Nak kena babab?” balas ku sambil mengejarnya menegelilingi rumahtangga yang telah kami bina bersama. Setelah berjaya menangkapnya, kami bersama berdiri di luar menikmati keindahan alam. Alin masih dalam pelukanku.
“Andai kata saya sudah tiada lagi, awak lihatlah bulan dari tempat awak. Ketahuilah ia datang bagi menggantikan tempat saya menemani awak pada tiap malam.Kini ia sedang tersenyum sambil berkata ‘Firdaus sudah tiada lagi, saya menggantikan tempatnya’. Alin kena ingat tau,” bisikku ke telinganya.
“Janganlah cakap macam tu. Kita akan menikmati saat bersama sebaik mungkin tau. Segala ketentuan di tangan Allah,” jawab Alin.
“Pandai isteri saya berkata-kata ye. Ingatkan tak fasih berbahasa melayu. haha ,” perliku.
Malam itu sungguh indah. Walaupun ianya sunyi namun penuh dengan kebahagiaan. Andai aku diberi peluang, ingin sahaja aku membahagiakan Alin secukupnya. Tetapi dia inginkan kesederhanaan, dia begitu mengerti diriku. Pada malam itu, bersaksikan bulan dan bintang, Alin tidur dalam dakapanku.
“Ops, sorry. I’m in such a hurry sampai tak awak tadi,” kata seorang gadis yang sedang mengumpul serta mengutip helaian kertasnya yang jatuh berterabur di lantai.
“It’s fine. Salah saya jugak ‘coz berdiri kat tengah jalan menghalang laluan orang. Let me help you,” lalu aku membantunya mengumpul kertas-kertasnya semula.
“Thanks a lot. By the way, saya Adlina. You can call me Alin,” kata Alin sambil membetulkan tudungnya yang kelihatan tidak kemas.
“Hey, Alin. Saya Firdaus. You can call me.....erm, anything you prefer,” jawab aku ringkas. Alin kelihatan tertawa kecil.
“Erm, bukan ke awak terlewat for something tadi? You might better hurry or else.....” kataku memberhentikan tawanya itu. Riak mukanya mula berubah.
“Oh not again,Cikgu Fizik mesti marah sebab lambat lagi. Jumpa lagi Mr ‘anything you prefer’,” senyuman terukir pada wajahnya sambil dia berlalu pergi ke dewan kuliahnya.
“Sigh, I hate girl,” bisik hati kecilku selepas diperli oleh seseorang yang baru kukenali.
Selepas menerima keputusan Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia ( SPM ), aku menerima tawaran untuk menyambung pelajaran ke Universiti Sains Malaysia. Bukan tidak mendapat tempat ke luar negara, tetapi keadaan ekonomi keluarga yang tidak mampu membatalkan hasrat aku ke sana. Ingin juga diri ini merasa keadaan di negara orang, namun tidak kesampaian.
Di kafeteria, aku sedang duduk menelaah buku rujukan bagi mengukuhkan ilmu yang baru ditimba sebentar tadi. Suasana di sini sungguh tenang. Aku selesa duduk sambil menghirup udara segar tatkala mataku ligat meneruskan pembacaanku. Pada saat itu, Alin datang duduk sebelah ku.
“Amboi, rajinnya membaca. Menarik sungguh kelihatan buku tu. Apa tajuknya?” sapanya bagi memulakan perbualan.
Aku mengendahkan kehadirannya dan bingkas bangun, berlalu meninggalkan tempat itu.Alin kelihatan bingung lalu cuba mengekori pergerakanku.
“Kenapa tiba-tiba sensitif nie?Anything wrong Mr ‘anything you prefer’?”tanyanya cuba untuk mengetahui punca tindakan ku itu.
“Firdaus, itu nama saya. Just call me that,” jawab ku ringkas.
“Tak sangka awak sensitif. I was joking la. By the way, sorry okay? Why don’t we have a lunch together? Awak kan kawan baru saya. It’s my treat,” pelawanya sambil menarik tanganku duduk ke kerusi semula.
“Saya maafkan awak,” balasku ringkas.
Dia memperlawa aku duduk di bangku. Saat aku melabuhkan diriku untuk duduk, Alin menarik kerusi tersebut lalu aku terjelopok ke lantai. Semua yang melihat tertawa akan diriku. Alin juga tersenyum melihat telatahku.
“Lagi sekali terkena. Why had i stuck with this girl?” keluh hatiku sambil aku cuba untuk berdiri semula.
“Sorry, Firdaus. Awak tak marahkan?” pujuk Alin cuba untuk meredakan kemarahanku.
“Erm, saya tersilap kerana berada di sini. Ini bukan kawasan yang sesuai untuk orang seperti saya. I had better makes my move,” kata ku menarik diri.aku meneruskan langkah berlalu dari situ.
“Hey Firdaus. Sudi kan jadi kawan saya?” katanya memberhentikan langkahku.
“I’ll think about it later. See ya,” aku melambai dan terus berlalu.
Sejak daripada itu,hubungan kami semakin rapat. Au menerima tawarannya untuk ‘berkawan’. Alin mengambil jurusan akauntan manakala aku mengambil jurusan kejuruteraan awam. Kami kerap keluar bersama dan sering menghabiskan masa belajar bersama.
“How’s your day today,”tanya Alin ketika kami sedang menikmati hidangan tengah hari selepas penat menimba ilmu.
“it went all fine. Cuma pelajar perempuan kat dalam kuliah tadi suka merenung dan kacau-kacau saya. Rimas dibuatnya,” balas ku ringkas.
“Amboi, dah mula ada secret admire nampak. Tak sangka kan. Kenapa tak layan je mereka?” kata Alin dengan sedikit nada cemburu membasahi suaranya.
“Aik, macam cemburu je bunyi Alin tu. Malas la nak layan mereka, buang masa je. Baik saya menumpukan perhatian. How about you then?” giliranku mengemukakan persoalan.
“Me? I okay je, cume tadi ada beberapa orang lelaki kacau semasa tunggu awak datang nie. Nasib baik awak cepat sampai. Mereka tengok awak je terus mereka pergi dari sini,” balas Alin.
“Wah, saya ni macam penyelamat Alin la eyk. Bangganya,” aku ketawa berdekah-dekah.
“ Eh jangan nak perasan yea,” pintas Alin. Loceng berbunyi menandakan kuliah seterusnya akan bermula. Kami mengambil laluan masing-masing untuk ke kuliah.
“Firdaus, saya tunggu awak kat library lepas kuliah. Jangan lambat tau,” kata Alin sambil melambai dan berlalu pergi.
Jika ianya sebuah cinta, ia tidak datang dengan kata-kata namun sentiasa menghampiri dengan hati. Jika ianya sebuah cinta, ia tidak kelihatan cantik namun sentiasa menarik. Jika ianya sebuah cinta, ia tidak terucap dengan kata namun sentiasa hadir dengan sinar mata. Jika ianya sebuah cinta, ia tidak hadir kerana permintaan kita namun kerana ketentuan. Jika kita mencintai seseorang, kita akan sentiasa mendoakannya walaupun dia tidak berada di sisi kita.
Semakin hari, aku mulai rindu akan kehadiran Alin di sisi ku. Dia sering menemani saat senyumku. Dia menjadi teman saat duka ku. Dan dia juga menjadi sahabat serta kekasih hatiku. Namun aku sering tidak punyai keyakinan untuk menyatakan hasrat hatiku, kerana dia begitu indah andai hendak dibandingkan apabila berada di sisiku.Aku cuba mencari kekuatan diri. Namun ia tidak pernah ku temui. Mungkin tiada jodoh buatku bersamanya. Aku hanya pasrah dengan ketentuan Ilahi. Tiba-tiba telefon bimbit ku berdering.aku menjawab panggilan yang sering dan sudah ku kenali itu.
“ Assalamualaikam, Alin. Kenapa telefon malam-malam ni. Ada pape yang boleh saya bantu ke?” kataku sebaik sahaja mendengar suaranya di talian.
“Waalaikumsalam. Macam tak suka je saya telefon, maaf mengganggu Firdaus. Saya just nak beritahu, pada minggu depan sekolah kita hendak mengadakan malam gala. Lebih kurang majlis makan malam la. Mebi ada tari-menari. So would you mind to go with me ?” tanya alin memperihalkan tentang perkara tersebut.
“Okay je if Alin rase saya layak berada dengan awak,”jawabku.
“Thanks, nanti kita bincang lagi tentang ni yea. Goodnight,” kata Alin lala menamatkan panggilan.
“Tidak, Alin. Saya yang patut berterima kasih kerana awak memberikan peluang itu kepada saya,” bisik hati kecilku.
Setelah 6 hari, 16 jam dan 22 minit, hari yang ditunggu juga telah tiba. Majlis malam gala diadakan dengan indah dan begitu unik sekali. Ia akan bermula pada pukul 8.30 malam nanti. Tetapi aku masih belum bersiap memandangkan sekarang telahpun pukul 7.45 malam. Aku kelam–kabut bagi mencari pakaian yang kelihatan menarik agar dapat dipadankan dengan Alin nanti namun aku tidak ketemunya. Tidak tahu bagaimana harusku lakukan. Kemudian panggilan telefon dari Alin menyebabkan telefon bimbitku berbunyi. Aku menjawab.
“Hey, Firdaus. Still kat rumah? Would you please hurry up? Sudah nak mula dah ni,” Alin kedengaran risau apabila masih tidak kelihatan aku di sana agaknya.
“Ouh, sorry Alin. Saya tak tahu nak pakai baju apa. Any suggestion?” aku cuba meminta pendapatnya.
“Erm, why don’t awak pakai baju yang saya hadiahkan as your birthday present last two week. It’s colours was purple, right? Saya suka sangat warna ungu,” Alin menjawab.
“Ouh,okay. Lagi 15 minit akan sampai. Alin tunggu dulu tau,” jawabku.
“Don’t be late,” Alin mengingatkan aku.
Pada malam tersebut, Alin kelihatan sungguh menawan. Jikalau matahri tidak terbit memancarkan surianya, sinaran indah wajahnya sudah cukup menerangi bumi. Andai pula bulan hilangdi balik awan nan biru, keayuan dan kelembutan senyum pada wajahnya sudah cukup menyejukkan malam-malamku. Kemudian, dengan sedikit keyakinan aku berjalan ke arah Alin. Dia kelihatan seperti sudah lama menunggu. Namun kumbang bukan seekor. Tiba-tiba datang seorang jejaka yang aku kenali duduk di samping Alin.Mereka kelihatan mesra berbual, seakan kenalan lama. Aku mulai tidak keruan. Hatiku terus berdebar, lalu semangatku semakin pudar.Aku menarik diri keluar dari dewan besar University kami. Aku tidak sanggup melihatnya bersama yang lain, lalu biarkan aku pergi. Aku berlari anak ke bawah sebuah pokok rendang, di mana tempat aku sering melepaskan seribu satu masalahku. Di bawah sinaran bulan bintang aku berbaring memandang ke langit, menulis sekeping nota.
Hembusan bayu bertiupan..menyaingi kedinginan malam..Menyedarkan aku..
tatkala bintang menerangi gelapku..Bulan tersenyum menghiasi sepiku..
Sang bunga mencemburui kecantikanmu..Sang matahari mengagumi seri pada wajahmu..
Sang burung berkicauan aakan keharuman dan sifat pekertimu..
Dan aku hanya tersenyum kau sering di sisiku..
Ingin sahaja aku melangkah pergi jauh darimu..biarku mengenali liku hidup ini..
Ingin juga aku kenali jiwamu..biar sahaja aku fahami dirimu,kasih..
Ingin aku juga membenci dirimu.. namun kasih pada cintamu memenuhi hatiku..
Hanyaku tahu, sayang padamu..
Pada malam itu..hembusan bayu bertiupan..
Menyedarkan aku kembali.. bahawa..
Hanya di dalam mimpikita bersua..mesra bersama dalam mahligai cinta..
Namun kenyataannya..hanyalah aku sahaja..
Kau ada dia..
Keesokan harinya, aku ke kuliah seperti biasa. Aku bangun pagi, mandi, makan sarapan dan berjalan kaki seperti rutin harianku. Panggilan Alin menyedarkan lamunanku, namun tidak pula aku menjawabnya.Di kuliah, Alin kelihatan sedang menunggu ku. Dari jauh, riak wajahnya kaku dan layu. Aku terus melangkah dan cuba agar tidak mempedulikannya.
“Kenapa awak tak datang semalam? Awak marah saya ke sehingga cuba elak dari saya sekarang?” kata-kata Alin memecahkan kesunyian.
“Saya tak marahkan awak, tak ada pape salah yang awak buat. Semalam saya tertidur, penat tolong emak buat kuih untuk berniaga hari ini,” aku cuba berbohong dan berselindung agar tidak disedari Alin.
“Tolong emak? Kalau begitu, siapa yang menulis nota ni?” katanya lagi sambil mengeluarkan sekeping nota yang aku tulis dan tinggalkan di bawah pokok rendang semalam. Air mata jernih mulai mengalir pada wajahnya, lalu aku mendekati Alin dan menyeka aliran air jernih itu. Aku hanya terdiam seribu bahasa.
“Kenapa awak buat macam ni? Kenapa hukum saya?” tuturnya yang meluluhkan hatiku.
“Saya bukan menghukum awak, saya menghukum diri saya yang bermimpi mencintai serta bersama dengan seorang gadis yang tidak diciptakan untuk saya. Semalam baru saya mengerti kesalahan saya selama ini,” jawabku mempertahankan diri.
“Awak kan sahabat saya. Mengapa berkelakuan seperti ini?” tanyanya lagi.
“ Itulah kesilapan saya selama ini. Saya menyalah anggap hubungan persahabatan yang kita jalinkan. Saya khianati hubungan ini dengan mempunyai perasaan terhadap awak. Saya khianati keikhlasan awak berkawan. Terasa hina pulak apabila berada di situasi ini. Namun saya bersyukur kerana tidak pernah menyatakan hasrat itu,”kata-kataku meninggalkan tanda tanya pada dirinya.
“Tapi awak tak pernah menyatakan apa-apa. Bagaimana harus saya mengerti isi haiti awak?” jawabnya lagi.
“Tak perlu lagi. Lelaki semalam lebih sesuai berada di samping awak. Dia mempunyai perwatakan yang lebih sempurna yang jauh lebih baik dari saya. Dia akan dapat menggembirakan awak. Saya hanya seorang warga desa yang datang ke sini menuntut ilmu bagi mengubah serta memberikan kebahagiaan kepada keluarga saya. Saya tak mahu lagi tersilap langkah. Rumput yang melata di bumi ingin beriringan dengan bintang di langit, pasti mustahil,kan?” aku menghabiskan kata-kataku sebaik sahaja air mata Alin kian deras mengalir.
“ Jadi, sampai di sini sahaja perkenalan kita?” katanya sambil tersedu menahan sebak.
“Itulah yang sebaiknya.” Alin tertunduk, kecewa dengan kata-kataku. Aku sedih melihat keadaannya begitu, namun ini adalah untuk kebaikannya. Aku berjalan meninggalkannya. Lalu suaranya memanggilku.
“At least biarlah saya beritahu tentang lelaki semalam. Dia hanyalah rakan lama saya yang baru pulang dari luar negara. Namun dia tidak pernah mengambil tempat yang paling istimewa dalam hati ini yang telah saya khaskan buat seseorang. Semasa menjatuhkan awak dulu, Awaklah yang telah menawan tempat tersebut. Namun sekarang tidak berguna lagi, namun ia tetap hanya akan menjadi tempat awak, Firdaus,” kata Alin sambil terduduk di lantai.
Tanpa menoleh ke belakang, aku masih meneruskan langkahku. Dengan tangisan di pipi, aku berjalan membawa diri hilang dari pandangan matanya.
Hari-hari ku semakin suram. Tiada lagi gelak tawa Alin. Tiada jua senyum riangnya. Tiada jua gurau sendanya. Dan tiada juga layanan manjanya. Namun aku tabahkan jua hati yang penuh kesunyian ini menempuh liku hidup yang ranjau. Ketika sedang membaca di perpustakaan, aku didatangi beberapa orang gadis. Mereka mendekatiku tetapi aku tidak menghiraukannya.
“Hey, Firdaus. Kenapa kau sakitkan hati Alin? Kau tak patut berbuat demikian. Dari awal dia mencintai kau. Tetapi kau tidak menyedarinya,” kata salah seorang dari mereka.aku hanya membisu seribu bahasa.
“Tak guna kita cakap dengan lelaki ni. Hati dia da keras. Buang masa kita bercakap dengannya,”kata seorang yang lain antara mereka. Mereka mengeluarkan sepucuk surat lalu dihulurkan kepadaku. Aku hanya menerimanya lalu membuka bagi membaca isi kandungannya.
“ Alin kirimkan ini untuk kau sebelum dia bertolak,”terang salah seorang dari mereka bertiga. Bertolak? Bertolak ke mana? Seribu satu persoalan mula bermain di fikiranku.aku membuka sampul surat tersebut dan meneliti isi kandungannya.
Hye, Firdaus. Assalamualaikum. Maaf kerana membuat keputusan yang terburu-buru ini. Saya tahu mungkin tidak adil buat awak. Tetapi saya tak sanggup nak berdepan dengan awak lagi selepas peristiwa hari tu. Terima kasih di atas segala kenangan yang awak ukirkan bersama dulu.saya akan sentiasa simpannya jauh di lubuk hati, di tempat yang telah awak tawan. Saya tak pernah menyangka hubungan kita berakhir di pertengahan jalan. Saya benar-benar meyesal kerana awak terlihat saya bersama lelaki lain berbual pada malam itu. Nota awak masih saya simpan.Di saat awak membaca surat ini, mungkin saya telah berada di lapangan terbang untuk menyambung pelajaran ke luar negara. Awak yang kata inilah yang jalan yang terbaik, jadi inilah jalan saya. Saya tidak pernah menyesal berkawan dengan awak dan tidak pernah menyesal mencintai awak. Saat menjatuhkan awak dulu akan sentiasa diingatan sebagai jenaka buat saya. Hehe.. Pape pown, awak jaga diri dan kesihatan kerana saya tiada lagi untuk menjaga awak selepas ini. Salam sayang buat Firdaus dari Adlina.
Baru ku sedari betapa kejamnya aku terhadap orang yang aku cintai. Andai dapat ku undurkan masa, akan aku memperbetulkan segalanya. Begitu besar kesedihan yang dialami Alin di atas perbuatanku dahulu. Aku berlari meninggalkan kuliah lalu bergegas ke lapangan terbang. Aku masih berharap bahawa aku sempat menghalang niat Alin untuk pergi. Dan ingin juga aku melafazkan betapa cintanya aku terhadap dirinya.Ya Allah, Kau bantulah hamba mu yang lemah dan tidak berdaya ini, agar dia mengecapi kebahagiaan sungguhpun hanya sekali dalam hidup ini.
“Wei, Firdaus. Cepatlah naik, dah tak ada masa lagi ni. Biar kami drive kau ke sana. Boleh menjimatkan masa,” pelawa kawan-kawan Alin yang menghulurkan aku sepucuk surat tadi. Aku tanpa berfikir lagi terus menaiki kereta yang ada di hadapanku lalu mereka memandu laju membelah jalan raya. Aku masih berharap keajaiban akan terjadi dan menghalang Alin dari terus pergi selamanya dari hidupku. Bukan ini yang ku pinta. Aku hanya inginkan kebahagiaannya. “Alin, jangan pergi lagi. Saya datang ni,” desis hatiku.
Setelah 20 minit memandu, kami tiba ke lapangan terbang. Aku melulu keluar dan memasuki bangunan yang menyimpan kekasih hatiku.Sebaik sahaja kaki ini melangkah masuk, terus sahaja aku aku menjerit secara automatik.
“Amboi, bangunan jahat. Berani kau ambil Alin dari aku ye, siapa yang benarkan hah? Suka-suka je hati nak ambil hak orang. Baik pulangkan Alin balik, kalau tak............” jerit aku. Semua orang di situ memandang ku dengan riak wajah yang pelik, seakan aku seperti orang gila. Aku tertunduk malu lalu melangkah ke kaunter pertanyaan.
“Erm, akak. Perjalanan ke U.K sudah berangkat ke belum?” tanya aku sambil menenangkan diri.
“Biar akak check dulu yea. Oh, kapal terbang tu baru je berlepas, adik terlewat 3 minit je. Nape,dik?” jawab akak kaunter tersebut. Aku tidak menjawab soalannya,tetapi terus berlalu dari situ membawa hati yang berat ini.
Buat pertama kali dalam hidupku, aku terasa seperti kehilangan. Kehilangan cahaya hidup yang selama ini membimbing aku ke jalan yang bahagia. Tetapi cahaya itu semakin malap dan kini ia telah padam sepenuhnya. Adlina, seorang gadis yang bisa membuat hati ini bergetar hanya dengan senyumannya. Adlina, seorang gadis yang membuat aku kuat menghadapi setiap dugaan. Dan juga Adlina, seorang gadis yang menghiasi tiap saat hidupku dan menjadikannya lebih bermakna. Tetapi kini, aku kehilangannya. Aku terduduk di kerusi yang berdekatan. Semuanya sudah terlambat.
“Alin, if awak dengar saya sekarang, tolonglah pulang semula. Saya benar-benar perlukan kehadiran awak. Saya menyesal dengan apa yang dikatakan oleh saya sebelum ini. I wish time has turn around again,” tangan ku menekup muka ku menahan sebak dan menyembunyikan air mata yang mula mengalir deras.
“Bila masa saya nak tinggalkan awak. Saya tahu awak perlukan saya,nak makan pown kena saya yang suapkan. Haha, I will never leave you, my love,” satu suara kedengaran dari belakangku. Seakan mimpi rasanya setelah mendengar suara yang mampu membuat hatiku bergetar. Aku bingkas bangun lalu menoleh mencari-cari arah hadirnya suara itu. Lalu Alin keluar di sebalik dinding di mana dia menyorok selama ini.
“Eee, tak malu lelaki menangis. Orang semua tengok tau,” perli Alin.
“Eh, mana ada menangis. Yang ni tadi sebab habuk termasuk mata lah. Perasan je orang menangis sebab dia eyk. Banyak lagi sebab lain tau,” jawab ku spontan.
“Yela tu, macam la saya pekak sangat sampai tak dengar apa yang awak membebel sorang-sorang tadi ye,” tambahnya lagi.
“ Alin dengar ke??Oh, kena kan saya lagi ye. Bila lah nak berubah,”kataku.
“Hehe, sorry,” jawab Alin sambil mengejek ke arahku. Lalu aku menghulurkan sekeping nota kepadanya yang telah siapku tulis semasa di kuliah tadi.
Ada dua titis air mata mengalir di sebuah sungai.. satu titis air mata itumenyapa air mata yang satu lagi.. “ saya air mata seorang gadis yang mencintai seorang lelaki tetapi telah kehilangannya. Siapa pula kamu ? ”.. jawab titis air mata yang kedua tu “ saya air mata seorang lelaki yangmenyesal membiarkan seorang gadis yang mencintai saya berlalu pergi begitu sahaja ”..
“Alin, sejak kali pertama mata ini melihat awak, ia telah terpukau akan kenakalan awak. Sejak kali pertama telinga ini mendengar kata-kata awak, ia telah mula merindui suaramu. Sejak kali pertama tangan ini awak tarik, ia seringkali menulis sajak mengenai awak. Sejak kali pertama kaki ini sakit kerana jatuh disebabkan awak, ia telah mula berjalan mengekori bayang awak. Dan sejak hati ini mmengenali awak, ia telah mula jatuh cinta akan peribadimu,” kataku sebaik sahaja Alin selesai membaca nota itu. Matanya mulai bergenang air mata lalu dia mendakap erat aku. Dalam pelukan ku, air matanya membasahi dadaku dan saat itu juga dia mengabadikan cinta cinta sang Hawa akan Adam kekasihnya.
“Amboi, jauh mengelamun. Ingat kat siapa tu?” suara Alin memecahkan lamunanku di tingkap.
“Tak habis-habis nak kenakan saya and perli saya ye. Nak kena babab?” balas ku sambil mengejarnya menegelilingi rumahtangga yang telah kami bina bersama. Setelah berjaya menangkapnya, kami bersama berdiri di luar menikmati keindahan alam. Alin masih dalam pelukanku.
“Andai kata saya sudah tiada lagi, awak lihatlah bulan dari tempat awak. Ketahuilah ia datang bagi menggantikan tempat saya menemani awak pada tiap malam.Kini ia sedang tersenyum sambil berkata ‘Firdaus sudah tiada lagi, saya menggantikan tempatnya’. Alin kena ingat tau,” bisikku ke telinganya.
“Janganlah cakap macam tu. Kita akan menikmati saat bersama sebaik mungkin tau. Segala ketentuan di tangan Allah,” jawab Alin.
“Pandai isteri saya berkata-kata ye. Ingatkan tak fasih berbahasa melayu. haha ,” perliku.
Malam itu sungguh indah. Walaupun ianya sunyi namun penuh dengan kebahagiaan. Andai aku diberi peluang, ingin sahaja aku membahagiakan Alin secukupnya. Tetapi dia inginkan kesederhanaan, dia begitu mengerti diriku. Pada malam itu, bersaksikan bulan dan bintang, Alin tidur dalam dakapanku.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Autumn
• Autumn had finally comes to end then say hello again to summer. Summer is coming to shine people’s life and provide warmth deep in heart. But as for me, summer is just a flashback nightmare that haunted me all the time it appears. It brings all the memories that I wanted to forget the most. It’s my fault that things had happened. I had tried but all my efforts did not pay off. In my embrace, she took her final everlasting rest.
It was winter back then when the first time my eyes laid on her. I was offered to further my study in University of London. People here so busy with their own things. I tried to catch up the rhythm but as new student here, I was totally lost. In that moment, she steps forward in front of me and offered her help, “Hye, are you new here? You look like lost or something. Do you mind if I help and show you the way?” I was speechless. Her kindness had attracted me. I tried to controlled my emotion and responded to her, “yeah, I am kind of lost in a big place like this. I tried to find the office but do not know which way to go”. Then she took the lead and showed me to the office. “Thank you,” I thanked her. “It is okay, it is by coincidence that I noticed you need help. By the way, I am Adlina. It is pleasure to meet you,” said her politely. “No, it was my pleasure for sure,” replied me.
Day after day, we were getting close to each other. We hang around together at a café and study together at the library. But life is always complicated. Good things we had became the envy of others. One fine day, a group of boys were disturbing her. They blocked her way and one of them took the books she held and threw it away. Then I voe to help her and we had a fight there. I was outnumbered but still trying to protect her for the reason that I didn’t know. We were called to the principal’s office and she warned us for the last time. Outside, Adlina was waiting for me and said, “Sorry for troubling you.” Then she cried. “ It’s okay, I was just paying my debt for your help on the first day I was here. By the way, I feel like it’s my job to protect you,” replied me. She looked into my eyes. Did I say something wrong or my words just fascinate her? Then we walked to the café.
The memories were still fresh in my head. It was on the last day there or should I just called it graduation day. Suddenly Adlina walked forward toward me. She still as beautiful as always. It might be the last moment I looked at her angelic face who will never be mine. Finally she reached me. She shivered and looked excited a bit. I wondered why. She voiced out before I could asked her. “hye are you busy right now?” asked her. “Not really, just looking at the person that owned my heart,” teased me. “There’s something I need to tell you before it’s too late. I don’t want to have regrets about this in the future. Furthermore, it cost me nothing if I give it a try. Right?” she continued. Her mimic worried me. “Yeah, right. So what is it? Do you want to say that I’m not a good friend all this time?” replied me simple with a little joke. “Stop it, please take it seriously,” said her with some anger in her tone. “Apologize me, I didn’t mean it,” replied me. Then she step closer to me and lean her head to my ear. “I love you,” whispered her smoothly. Her words shocked me. Somehow, I felt like the world is mine. And I know, from that moment I will never be alone anymore. She will always be there for me. “I love you since a long time ago. Your ways attracted me and I don’t want to lose even after the graduation,” she continued. “Thanks, you are the precious gift II had for all my life. I love you too,” replied me. I wished time had stopped so that I had that moment all my life.
Adlina, the person that has crossed my path of life. In some ways, she had a part in shaping things I do. And somehow, she filled my life with colours of enjoyment and rhythm of laughter. After the graduation, both of us busy with work. She worked as a doctor in a government hospital, while I was doing some engineering. But still, we keep in touch and almost everyday we meet each other. It’s almost two years of our relationship. One day, I planned to have a dinner with Adlina. I fetched her after work. We went to the Krusty Krab Restaurant. “Umm, bring me 2 Prawn fried rice and 2 lemon ice tea. And if possible, make it special for my beautiful princess here,: I ordered to the waiter in charges. The waiter and Adlina just smiled after I finished my order. “You know me very well, dear. And even you know what I want to order as my meal,” said her to start the conversation. “Of course I do, it’s my job to protect you, right? So knowing you better is also in my job listed,” replied me. Then she smiled softly. Her smile is the things that I will never forget and beautiful as always. The smile that never bored me. We looked each other and my eyes on her before I voiced out again. “How is your work?” asked me. “It’s fine, just many people got sick today and it makes me feeling tired,” replied her. “How about you?” asked her. Before I managed to answer, the waiter came to serve the drinks. He arranged two glasses for us and put a jug of ice lemon tea aside. Adlina’s eyes still on me as the waiter walked away. I took the jug and poured some water into her glasses. And suddenly a ring drop into the glass with water. She noticed it and then looked back at me as I said. “Adlina, will you marry me?”. She looked speechless. Her face turned blushed red as she said, “yes, I do. For a long time I waited for you to ask me”. Then I took the ring and put it on it’s only owner’s finger, Adlina.
Life is totally unfair. When the happiness appeared, there’s a cost we need to pay for it. It was on the second day during summer when I planned to bring Adlina and introduce her to my family. I rode my Ducati and fetched her at home. She still beautiful and her smile on her face when she saw me in front of her gate. “Hye, ready to face the last obstacle in our relationship?” I tried to joke around. “Please stop scared me. It took me two nights to sort out a thing to say in front of your family later,” replied her. “It’s fine. My family know a little about you. I had told them yesterday. Furthermore, I’m still here for you, right?” I continued to strengthened her spirit. “Thank you, my dear. Your words always help me.” It took 15 minutes before we reached my house. I parked my bike outside while Adlina crossed the road to reach my house first. At the middle of the road, she said, “come here quickly. I can’t wait to show your family that I’m the best mate for you”. She was so cheerful and again her smile attracted me. “Wait, I am coming now,” replied me. Suddenly I noticed a van was speeding on the road. I quickly ran for her while I warned her, “Adlina, step aside.” She with a blurred face didn’t understand me, “what do you mean?” Behind you, I shouted. As she noticed about the van, it was too late. The van accidentally hit her and they sped away. I reached for her and laid her head within my arms. “Hold on there, Adlina. I will save you,” said me. “You always do save me, but not this time, dear. Sharing my life with you is the greatest gift for me. I wish I have you forever but I can’t. I want you to live happily, for me. You will always be in my heart. Here, where I set my last everlasting rest. Eyes locked on yours and arms around your last embrace. Thank you and sorry for I have to make my move, I can’t be with you anymore. For the last time, I love you. I always do,” said her. “Please don’t go. I love you too,” replied me. She just smile and took the last breathe after reciting syahadah.
I woke up from my long slept. Wanted the memories fled away. As I open my eyes, Adlina were there beside me. With her tomato-like-cheek, her beautiful hazel eyes greet my. “Good morning, dear. Had a good sleep?” asked her. I just smiled, without answering her. “I wished you for my eternal life. Can I?”
It was winter back then when the first time my eyes laid on her. I was offered to further my study in University of London. People here so busy with their own things. I tried to catch up the rhythm but as new student here, I was totally lost. In that moment, she steps forward in front of me and offered her help, “Hye, are you new here? You look like lost or something. Do you mind if I help and show you the way?” I was speechless. Her kindness had attracted me. I tried to controlled my emotion and responded to her, “yeah, I am kind of lost in a big place like this. I tried to find the office but do not know which way to go”. Then she took the lead and showed me to the office. “Thank you,” I thanked her. “It is okay, it is by coincidence that I noticed you need help. By the way, I am Adlina. It is pleasure to meet you,” said her politely. “No, it was my pleasure for sure,” replied me.
Day after day, we were getting close to each other. We hang around together at a café and study together at the library. But life is always complicated. Good things we had became the envy of others. One fine day, a group of boys were disturbing her. They blocked her way and one of them took the books she held and threw it away. Then I voe to help her and we had a fight there. I was outnumbered but still trying to protect her for the reason that I didn’t know. We were called to the principal’s office and she warned us for the last time. Outside, Adlina was waiting for me and said, “Sorry for troubling you.” Then she cried. “ It’s okay, I was just paying my debt for your help on the first day I was here. By the way, I feel like it’s my job to protect you,” replied me. She looked into my eyes. Did I say something wrong or my words just fascinate her? Then we walked to the café.
The memories were still fresh in my head. It was on the last day there or should I just called it graduation day. Suddenly Adlina walked forward toward me. She still as beautiful as always. It might be the last moment I looked at her angelic face who will never be mine. Finally she reached me. She shivered and looked excited a bit. I wondered why. She voiced out before I could asked her. “hye are you busy right now?” asked her. “Not really, just looking at the person that owned my heart,” teased me. “There’s something I need to tell you before it’s too late. I don’t want to have regrets about this in the future. Furthermore, it cost me nothing if I give it a try. Right?” she continued. Her mimic worried me. “Yeah, right. So what is it? Do you want to say that I’m not a good friend all this time?” replied me simple with a little joke. “Stop it, please take it seriously,” said her with some anger in her tone. “Apologize me, I didn’t mean it,” replied me. Then she step closer to me and lean her head to my ear. “I love you,” whispered her smoothly. Her words shocked me. Somehow, I felt like the world is mine. And I know, from that moment I will never be alone anymore. She will always be there for me. “I love you since a long time ago. Your ways attracted me and I don’t want to lose even after the graduation,” she continued. “Thanks, you are the precious gift II had for all my life. I love you too,” replied me. I wished time had stopped so that I had that moment all my life.
Adlina, the person that has crossed my path of life. In some ways, she had a part in shaping things I do. And somehow, she filled my life with colours of enjoyment and rhythm of laughter. After the graduation, both of us busy with work. She worked as a doctor in a government hospital, while I was doing some engineering. But still, we keep in touch and almost everyday we meet each other. It’s almost two years of our relationship. One day, I planned to have a dinner with Adlina. I fetched her after work. We went to the Krusty Krab Restaurant. “Umm, bring me 2 Prawn fried rice and 2 lemon ice tea. And if possible, make it special for my beautiful princess here,: I ordered to the waiter in charges. The waiter and Adlina just smiled after I finished my order. “You know me very well, dear. And even you know what I want to order as my meal,” said her to start the conversation. “Of course I do, it’s my job to protect you, right? So knowing you better is also in my job listed,” replied me. Then she smiled softly. Her smile is the things that I will never forget and beautiful as always. The smile that never bored me. We looked each other and my eyes on her before I voiced out again. “How is your work?” asked me. “It’s fine, just many people got sick today and it makes me feeling tired,” replied her. “How about you?” asked her. Before I managed to answer, the waiter came to serve the drinks. He arranged two glasses for us and put a jug of ice lemon tea aside. Adlina’s eyes still on me as the waiter walked away. I took the jug and poured some water into her glasses. And suddenly a ring drop into the glass with water. She noticed it and then looked back at me as I said. “Adlina, will you marry me?”. She looked speechless. Her face turned blushed red as she said, “yes, I do. For a long time I waited for you to ask me”. Then I took the ring and put it on it’s only owner’s finger, Adlina.
Life is totally unfair. When the happiness appeared, there’s a cost we need to pay for it. It was on the second day during summer when I planned to bring Adlina and introduce her to my family. I rode my Ducati and fetched her at home. She still beautiful and her smile on her face when she saw me in front of her gate. “Hye, ready to face the last obstacle in our relationship?” I tried to joke around. “Please stop scared me. It took me two nights to sort out a thing to say in front of your family later,” replied her. “It’s fine. My family know a little about you. I had told them yesterday. Furthermore, I’m still here for you, right?” I continued to strengthened her spirit. “Thank you, my dear. Your words always help me.” It took 15 minutes before we reached my house. I parked my bike outside while Adlina crossed the road to reach my house first. At the middle of the road, she said, “come here quickly. I can’t wait to show your family that I’m the best mate for you”. She was so cheerful and again her smile attracted me. “Wait, I am coming now,” replied me. Suddenly I noticed a van was speeding on the road. I quickly ran for her while I warned her, “Adlina, step aside.” She with a blurred face didn’t understand me, “what do you mean?” Behind you, I shouted. As she noticed about the van, it was too late. The van accidentally hit her and they sped away. I reached for her and laid her head within my arms. “Hold on there, Adlina. I will save you,” said me. “You always do save me, but not this time, dear. Sharing my life with you is the greatest gift for me. I wish I have you forever but I can’t. I want you to live happily, for me. You will always be in my heart. Here, where I set my last everlasting rest. Eyes locked on yours and arms around your last embrace. Thank you and sorry for I have to make my move, I can’t be with you anymore. For the last time, I love you. I always do,” said her. “Please don’t go. I love you too,” replied me. She just smile and took the last breathe after reciting syahadah.
I woke up from my long slept. Wanted the memories fled away. As I open my eyes, Adlina were there beside me. With her tomato-like-cheek, her beautiful hazel eyes greet my. “Good morning, dear. Had a good sleep?” asked her. I just smiled, without answering her. “I wished you for my eternal life. Can I?”
Beauty and The Beast..
here today..
walking side by side with her..
arms taking her embrace close..
eyes were locked on her beautiful gaze..
in the place..
i set my love only for her..
miserable turned easy..
life turned happy..
when she filled her lovely warmth..
through the darkness of mine..
made her love filled my soul..
enlighted my heart..
as she filled it with colours..
tears, laughters and even sadness..
how can i tell her..
how much i love her?
how much i care for her?
and i wanted the most..
to tell her i missed her..
as time passed without her presence..
by now i'd realised..
there's no word 'us'..
between she and me..
i wasn't meant for her..
her perfection that i can't wish to have..
the huge boundaries..
like she was the beautiful angel enlighted love..
while i were typical monster in any swamp..
Saturday, May 1, 2010
heartless love
i fly away like a small bird,
to be where you are,
spend just an evening
in your afar place.
beautiful flower,
and adorable husband
makes me feel you are the only thing i care
that's a true love i got
to be where you are,
spend just an evening
in your afar place.
beautiful flower,
and adorable husband
makes me feel you are the only thing i care
that's a true love i got
If you need me
if ever you need me,
i will always be around,
to bring back the laughter,
where deep in your heart it is found.
you will never worry,
i will always be here,
to chase away the sadness,
and wipe away a tear..
i'm here for you dear..!!
i will always be around,
to bring back the laughter,
where deep in your heart it is found.
you will never worry,
i will always be here,
to chase away the sadness,
and wipe away a tear..
i'm here for you dear..!!
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